I wanted to share a recent insight that I've been meditating on.  As readers of my blog know, I really value reading and the power of books.  And I also enjoy sharing snippets from current books in my Instagram stories.  So basically if I come across something that I find interesting I share that section of the text.
  Some nights I read for a while and find that there's nothing to share at all.  And then other nights I end up sharing multiple lines of text.  This led me to scouting for lines to share just for the chance at sharing something.  So I searched and searched and of course.........found absolutely nothing.  Why is this?  Well, I think it's a mysterious law of the universe that lays this ground rule: "Seek and Ye Shall NOT Find".  
  Then I gave up looking for an interesting passage of text to share and continued my reading and within a paragraph, of course, found a very thought-provoking line to share.  This rule applies to many other areas of life: work, relationships, solutions to problems etc.  It's especially true while playing the game Cards Against Humanity; anyone who has played the game knows that when you pick up a new card, it would have been the perfect card to have just played, the one you were seeking.
  I think this is pretty funny and has taught me a valuable lesson about the definition of "seeking", seeking is defined as "The attempt to find (something)."  I think problem lies with the attempting.  I don't think the answer to this paradox is the all-to-obvious inverse (to let something find YOU) but instead of that its lesson is to remove the attempt and to simply "Find".    Hope everyone has a Happy Memorial Day!  🇺🇸

  I've had some good realizations recently about how I am a product of the blending of those who have influenced/inspired me.  I feel good about my methods and techniques now and am ready to produce some work that is really authentic to me and really "Santoli".  
  What really hammered this home for me was trying to paint like those who inspired me and realizing that "trying" to paint like someone else is a terrible idea.  I've had this realization several times and always come to the same conclusion.  There's a line in a Bukowski poem that goes, "if you're trying to write like somebody else, forget about it."  I know it's hard because I'm always looking for the "secret".  And it's a sobering thing to realize, "hey man, there's no secret."  Not that I would even want there to be a surefire way to make a good painting.  Sure, there are ways of doing it that might work better for me, but I'm still bound to make a lot of shitty paintings.
  Anyway,  this is what I've been thinking about lately and now I'm going to go do some drawing and realize that I don't know anything at all.

  With 2019 nearing an end, I wanted to share some of my own closing thoughts.  The most significant thing that I've been experiencing lately is just the freedom to do things in my own fashion.  By this, I mean being unique in my expressions as an artist and as a person.  Not overthinking or mimicking or trying to be something other than me.
  It feels like a lot of ballast has been removed from me because I no longer care to pursue something outside of myself.  It's such a freeing feeling to search for myself.  Some books that have helped me with this have been: The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  I'm currently about halfway through The Four Agreements​ and highly recommend it to anyone who likes personal development books.
  I'm wishing everyone a happy and healthy New Year.  I wonder what 2020 will bring?

  Went out to try and do some watercolors today, but I ran into some problems when my watercolors started to freeze on me.  It's too bad because I had really wanted to paint the scene before me.  Regardless, the beauty of plein air painting is that each painting is more than a painting, each painting is a memory.  I can't wait for spring to arrive.