I was working on a mastercopy earlier today and it left me feeling really blue. It was basically a feeling of dissatisfaction.
Anytime I'm feeling lost or dejected, I look through some photos of a trip I took in April 2018 to see my best friend, Pino. These photos remind me to be genuine in my life and my art. Sincerity is really the only way to achieve anything worthwhile. At the end of the day all I can be is myself anyway. I just want to do the things I enjoy and live as authentically as I can. I've been overthinking it for a while now and it's been killing my art. It feels like the good stuff can't be planned and I need to remind myself of that feeling more often.
I just did a painting study tonight (pictured below) that inspired me to share some some insight. The reason I did this painting was because I was feeling pretty bad after having painted a really terrible painting earlier today. So I was feeling pretty low and decided to take a different approach to this second painting. The painting is of an amaryllis bulb that flowered recently. I wanted to just slow down a little bit and paint this study piece by piece in a very deliberate fashion.
I feel like the painting came out well and taught me a really valuable lesson in the importance of having deliberate action with my paint. I won't be in a rush anymore to paint and I'll be taking my time from here on.
With 2019 nearing an end, I wanted to share some of my own closing thoughts. The most significant thing that I've been experiencing lately is just the freedom to do things in my own fashion. By this, I mean being unique in my expressions as an artist and as a person. Not overthinking or mimicking or trying to be something other than me.
It feels like a lot of ballast has been removed from me because I no longer care to pursue something outside of myself. It's such a freeing feeling to search for myself. Some books that have helped me with this have been: The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I'm currently about halfway through The Four Agreements and highly recommend it to anyone who likes personal development books.
I'm wishing everyone a happy and healthy New Year. I wonder what 2020 will bring?
Another semester is in the books and it always makes me sad and nostalgic. What I love about teaching is that each class is a different group of people and a different experience. My students always hold a special place in my heart and I wish them the absolute best on their journeys!
Also, for Spring 2020: I'll be teaching Art 101 at Bergen Community College and watercolor painting at the Ridgewood Community School again so I'll be looking forward to it! Then I have grad school in the fall of 2020 so we'll see what adventures come next.. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!